My Library Endorses Torture

So, we have a lighting problem in my branch of the PL.  We’ve only been open a year now (exactly a year this coming Saturday…happy birthday to us) and our lights have never been quite right.  This has something to do with the fact that the designer of the building decided to be all hip and trendy and not have any real lighting…just some lights thrown up on the poles that support the building.  As a result, on cloudy days and…oh, at night…it was always rather dark in the building. (Note to architects…providing a building with lots of natural light a.ka. walls of windows only works during the day.)  Well, the problem was finally fixed today.  You see, the few lights that we do have can be adjusted…they’re basically fancy floodlights, I guess.  So, they were adjusted down today.  Which works amazingly well in the fiction section of the PL…the primary area that one couldn’t see in at night.  However, they also adjusted the two lights directly in front of the reference desk…that place that I have to sit at for the majority of my day (and some nights).  Let me tell you…after tonight’s shift, I have a newfound appreciation for torturing someone by shining light in their eyes.  I have had a bright, halogen light shining on my poor retinas for the past 4 hours straight.  I can barely see right now.  And it’s not like I can even turn around and face the opposite direction.  For, behind the reference desk, there is a wall of windows.  And the reflection of the evil lights of torture is actually brighter there!

I swear to you that if this problem is not fixed by Friday, I am calling in sick until it’s corrected.   And considering how quickly things move around here…that might be awhile.

A Wonderous Thank You

I just had to help a patron convert a RTF (Rich Text Format) document to a Word document. As a thank you, he extended his closed fist towards me. Without missing a beat, I touched my closed fist to his – kinda like the Wonder Twins of the Justice League.

It was an odd moment.

Take This Job and Shove It…Or Not.

These past few days have been a doozy for this Library Guy.  On Monday, I received a job offer for a position that I had interviewed for in early November.  It’s far from being my dream job, but it is in an academic library, which I have decided is where I belong.  However, after much deliberation on the matter, I’ve come to the conclusion that this particular job and me just aren’t meant to be.  For one thing, it’s for lower pay than what I’m currently making.  Not significantly lower…but just lower enough for it to possibly make a (disastrous) difference.  For another thing, it’s in a different state.  So, I’d have to move by myself to a place where I don’t know anyone and have to make it on less money.  These things combined would not make for a happy Library Guy…even if I ended up liking the job better.  (Quite frankly, at this point, it would be really hard for me to find a job that I don’t like better.  But, then again, with my record…I could probably do it.)  So, I shall remain at the PL for a bit longer…well, at least until my head explodes from being asked how to use a computer mouse for the millionth time.

In other news…I was perusing the library job ads today (as I so often do) and I came across this one that I found to be particularly odd.  It’s so odd, in fact, that I think it bears repeating here in its entirety.  So, have a look:

“Job Title: Researcher/cataloguer
Organization: Large technology company
Location: California,
Description: A leading technology company needs a researcher to follow news stories and sources of information about the technology industry.

You will monitor a wide range of news sources, blogs and websites, press releases, possibly industry events, to make sure we know everything that is happening, all the new trends, all the latest developments. Every day, the stories must be categorized and archived online.

The job will entail monitoring specified sources and proactively seeking out new ones, filtering out repeated information or uninteresting texts, and creating executive summaries.

You must have an obsessive attention to detail and a real hunger (even paranoia) to make sure that nothing will escape your notice. You must have a methodical nature, the ability to plod through hundreds of sources every day (manually or automatically, for example through RSS readers) and extract any relevant information.

The job involves working from home. “

First, I find it odd that this is a job for a mystery company.  Who would I be working for if I were hired for this job?  Oh, let’s see….ah, yes…the esteemed “Large technology company”!  I’ve always wanted a job with them!  So, looks like I’d spend my day reading stories online…hmmm…oddly enough, that sounds very similar to what I do all day now.  (Only that’s not what I’m really getting paid for now.)  But at this job, that’s what I’d do…only I’d then be categorizing them and putting them online…but only the interesting ones!  No “uniteresting texts” for Large technology company please!  Finally, I really love the part in the qualifications section requiring an “obsessive attention to detail” combined with a “real hunger”…or, even better, a real “paranoia” to make sure that nothing will ever escape my attention!  Wait, doesn’t that kind of repeat itself?  I mean, if I have the obsessive attention to detail, doesn’t it just follow that I will naturally have the paranoid hunger thing going on?  Finally, I’d be plodding through lots of sources on a daily basis…I wonder if I will need special work clothes for that?  Actually, you know, I probably won’t, since I’ll be working at home.  Anyway, I think I must now find some sort of award for the writer of this ad, as I am pretty sure that I’ve never seen the word “plod” used in a job description before.

Maybe I’ll apply for it after lunch.

Shame on You, NYPL

Let me just add my voice to the other blogispherians who are booing the New York Public Library this week. In case you hadn’t heard, the top execs at the NYPL are making six-figure salaries…pretty significant ones, at that. In fact, the library’s president makes over $400, 000 a year. This does not include his housing allowance of $136, 000…an allowance that is moot since he owns his apartment in Manhattan. (His total compensation package brings the total to over $800,000.) Now, let’s look at the people who actually make the NYPL operate on a day-to-day basis…the librarians. NYPL librarians, according to this salary study, have the lowest starting salary of all major large library systems in the country. In fact, with cost of living adjustment taken into consideration, NYPL librarians just starting with the system, make just under $13,000 a year. No doubt, this would entitle these librarians to receive any number of welfare benefits. Librarians on welfare…not a good thing in my book. The board of the NYPL ought to consider giving its front-line staff some raises, instead of inflating the already over-inflated salaries of its top execs.

Children: A Diatribe

Let it be declared that children shall hereby be banished from the public library. No longer will library staff and patrons (but mostly library staff) be subjected to the endless whining and screaming that would terrify even the most seasoned of banshees. Bearing witness to howling little brats who pitch a fit for 20 minutes and then are rewarded with candy from mommy’s purse will become a thing of the past.

Parents of children will still be allowed in the library to retrieve items for their mini devil spawns. (After all, we must keep the staff of the children’s area employed.) However, they must leave the little darlings at the entrance. The library will even be so kind as to provide corrals for the creatures. Although we make no promises about their saftey. After all, varmint have been known to turn on each other and chew off body parts from time to time.

This edict will go into effect immediately. Violators will be locked in an escape-proof room with their children for 24 hours.

Thank you.

“I See the S…Where’s the T?!”

So, today, two of my “favorite” patrons came by the PL. Let’s call them Drunk and Disorderly. Drunk and Disorderly are a couple who have recently started coming to our library. Everytime they come by, they’re both drunk. (This may have something to do with the fact that we share a parking lot with a bar…what a great idea that was.) They’re both in their mid-40′s, I’d say. Drunk is a rather trashy looking white woman who always wears a leather jacket, high-heeled boots and a baseball cap. Disorderly is a rather, robust black gentleman who would make a very good Santa Claus…if he were ever sober. Today, the happy couple popped in to pick up a book that was on hold. At my library, we have self check-out, so the holds are out on the library floor…to allow patrons to…umm, check them out themselves. Well, D & D came into the library, as loud as ever, and inquired at the circulation desk as to where their hold might be. Apparently the circ person asked them their last name, to which they responded with the appropriate answer. (Score one for the drunks!) The circ person then directed them to the hold shelf and told them to look under the letter T…the first letter of their last name. Well, Drunk is looking all over the place…and finds the letter S. She proclaims to the circ staff “I See the S! Where’s the T?” Disorderly then proclaims that they’re going to need some help over here. Now, maybe I’m naive, but can’t most people…even inebriated ones, figure out that T comes after S? If you’ve found the S…just keep on going. You should find the T eventually! I mean, D & D weren’t THAT drunk. Well , with some assistance, they located the book. They proceeded to the check out…and then Drunk decided that she had to use the bathroom. So, she runs to the little drunk-girls room. After checking the book out, Disorderly then decides that he too needs to go to the bathroom. So, he he starts to walk back through the security gate towards the restrooms. However, since he has his book in his hand, he sets the alarm off. He doesn’t get what is happening. (To be fair, most sober people don’t understand what’s going on when that happens either.) After telling him twice to put the book down and THEN walk through the security gate, he finally gets it. So, off to the bathroom he goes, all the while declaring that he thought the PO-LICE (pronounced Po Lease) were going to come after him. Naturally, since this has taken so long, Drunk finishes up before Disorderly. Somehow, Disorderly senses this and proceeds to yell out of the men’s restroom (our bathrooms don’t have outer doors on them) that he’s in here. Drunk is hovering about the restrooms…and not seeing Disorderly, begins to call out his name. Drunk then yells back that he’s in here! He finishes up and comes out of the restroom…and begins talking about how he thought the PO-LICE were coming after him. Drunk proceeds to shush him as loudly as she possibly can. “SHHHHHHH!!! YOU’RE IN A LIBRARY!!”

Gee, Drunk. Thanks. Because THAT’S not loud or anything.

Well, with bladders emptied and library book securely in hand, Drunk and Disorderly leave the library to go home…which is hopefully not very far away because they are driving.

Maybe next time I’ll call the cops on ‘em.

Help Me to Help You

Today at the PL (Public Library), I had a patron who was really trying to wear me down. Well, maybe she wasn’t TRYING exactly…but she was succeeding nonetheless. The problem that I had with this particular patron is one that I have encountered with other patrons before…but only since I began my misadventures in Public LibraryLand. Before I go much further, let me recreate the scenario for you:

Library Guy: Hello…may I help you?

Patron: Yes, I’d like to see your business books.

LG: Alright, that could cover a fairly broad area…what area of business were you interested in?

Patron: Just business, in general.

LG: So, you’re not interested in one particular aspect of business, like starting a business or…?

Patron: No.

At this point, there really isn’t a whole lot that I can do for this patron. She was not willingly giving up enough information for me to adequately help her. To continue asking questions would have resulted in a Merry-Go-Round scenario…I would continue to ask similar questions and she would continue to fend them off as though there were going to do her bodily harm. There is no one “business” section in the library – business, in very broad terms, could easily fall into two different areas. In the end, instead of verbally beating the information out of her, I took her to the one business area that is generally the favored of the two. I have no idea if she ever found what she was looking for.

This, my dear readers, is what I call the breakdown of the reference interview. If you are not a resident of LibraryLand, let me briefly explain the reference interview concept. You see, the patron comes to the librarian seeking information of some sort. It is the librarian’s job to determine exactly what the patron needs. Patrons, like the one in our example, often like to speak in very broad terms. “Where is your business section?”, “Where is your history section?” The librarian, therefore, asks further questions of the patron in an attempt to direct the patron to the best and most relevant source of information. However, sometimes, that just doesn’t work. On more than one occasion, I’ve had patrons get hostile with me when I try to narrow their question down. “Just tell me where the animal section is, PLEASE!” (Okay, I added the “please” part…that’s usually not present in that particular situation.) And then, sometimes, we have the Merry-Go-Round scenario. The thing about this is that I never had this problem in my previous life as an academic librarian. If a student came up to the reference desk with the general question of “Where is your chemistry section?”, they would always submit to questions to let me help them find what they were actually looking for. Always. Maybe I was just lucky in that regard. Therefore, the frequency with which patrons in Public LibraryLand refuse to submit to even brief reference interviews surprised me. After a year, I still haven’t quite gotten used to it.

I also haven’t gotten used to the idea that I am apparently supposed to be a real-life version of Google and return search results for them in .12 seconds. But that’s a topic for another time…

Turkeys Invade Local Library…News at 10

The highlight of Library Guy’s day today?  Well, have a look for yourself:

Yes, folks, that’s right.  Today, we had turkeys at the library.  When I arrived at work, I was informed that the pair above had been spotted earlier.  I must confess that I wasn’t particularly excited.  After all, I grew up in a farm-like atmosphere…seeing livestock wandering around was once a very common thing for me.  Flash forward to a few hours later.  One of my colleagues comes rushing up to the reference desk and proclaims to me “They’re back!  The turkeys are back!”  I proceed to jump up from the desk and run to the far window like a child on Christmas morning going for the goods under the tree.  Lo and behold, there were the turkeys…peering in the window at us.  Seeing livestock…well, apparently it gets me just as excited as anyone else these days.  And I’m pretty sure that these two are livestock and not wild, as they were originally proclaimed to be.  You see, these turkeys let us get pretty close to them.  Granted, they were outside and we were inside, but they didn’t really know that.  Besides, when I went outside for my “turkey shoot” (haha), they began to come up to me at one point.  Wild turkeys…they ain’t gonna be doin’ that, ya know?

So, here’s to Ethel and Lucy…the turkey gals of my library.  I hope you ladies make it through next week safe and sound.  (Hopefully that rugged-looking patron who commented about coming after his Thanksgiving dinner was just kidding.)

Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can’t I?

Well, looks like I’ve gone and done it. I have finally started my first official blog as a librarian. How I managed to go for nearly 3 years as a professional librarian without a blog is anybody’s guess. I’m surprised that I haven’t been kicked out of LibraryLand for the offense.

So, what exactly am I going to be adding to the librarioblogosphere, you might ask? Most likely, nothing new, exciting and original. (Aside from coining the term “librarioblogosphere”. A quick search of Technorati assures me that I am the first…at least as far as Technoarti knows.) With the number of librarian blogs already out there, I find it highly doubtful that ANYONE coming into it this late in the game could hope to be new, exciting or original. But I will be sharing my unique insight intoLibraryLand with you, dear readers. That alone should keep you coming back week after week. (Either that or fleeing for the virtual hills. We shall see.)

Before I sign off of the first post here, let me give a very brief sketch of me. It will be brief and quite sketch-like because I really wish to remain anonymous on here. You never know what might offend people out in LibraryLand. If I’m going to be having virtual tomatoes thrown at me, I prefer to have it done behind the veil of anonymity. So, back to the brief sketch. I am currently a librarian at a large, urban public library system in the Southeast. I started off my library career at a smallish, academic library in the same area. I’ve been an official librarian for two years, but I’ve worked in libraries since 1999. And, that’s about it. If you want to know anything more, you’ll have to bribe me.

Welcome to my blog!