“I See the S…Where’s the T?!”

So, today, two of my “favorite” patrons came by the PL. Let’s call them Drunk and Disorderly. Drunk and Disorderly are a couple who have recently started coming to our library. Everytime they come by, they’re both drunk. (This may have something to do with the fact that we share a parking lot with a bar…what a great idea that was.) They’re both in their mid-40’s, I’d say. Drunk is a rather trashy looking white woman who always wears a leather jacket, high-heeled boots and a baseball cap. Disorderly is a rather, robust black gentleman who would make a very good Santa Claus…if he were ever sober. Today, the happy couple popped in to pick up a book that was on hold. At my library, we have self check-out, so the holds are out on the library floor…to allow patrons to…umm, check them out themselves. Well, D & D came into the library, as loud as ever, and inquired at the circulation desk as to where their hold might be. Apparently the circ person asked them their last name, to which they responded with the appropriate answer. (Score one for the drunks!) The circ person then directed them to the hold shelf and told them to look under the letter T…the first letter of their last name. Well, Drunk is looking all over the place…and finds the letter S. She proclaims to the circ staff “I See the S! Where’s the T?” Disorderly then proclaims that they’re going to need some help over here. Now, maybe I’m naive, but can’t most people…even inebriated ones, figure out that T comes after S? If you’ve found the S…just keep on going. You should find the T eventually! I mean, D & D weren’t THAT drunk. Well , with some assistance, they located the book. They proceeded to the check out…and then Drunk decided that she had to use the bathroom. So, she runs to the little drunk-girls room. After checking the book out, Disorderly then decides that he too needs to go to the bathroom. So, he he starts to walk back through the security gate towards the restrooms. However, since he has his book in his hand, he sets the alarm off. He doesn’t get what is happening. (To be fair, most sober people don’t understand what’s going on when that happens either.) After telling him twice to put the book down and THEN walk through the security gate, he finally gets it. So, off to the bathroom he goes, all the while declaring that he thought the PO-LICE (pronounced Po Lease) were going to come after him. Naturally, since this has taken so long, Drunk finishes up before Disorderly. Somehow, Disorderly senses this and proceeds to yell out of the men’s restroom (our bathrooms don’t have outer doors on them) that he’s in here. Drunk is hovering about the restrooms…and not seeing Disorderly, begins to call out his name. Drunk then yells back that he’s in here! He finishes up and comes out of the restroom…and begins talking about how he thought the PO-LICE were coming after him. Drunk proceeds to shush him as loudly as she possibly can. “SHHHHHHH!!! YOU’RE IN A LIBRARY!!”

Gee, Drunk. Thanks. Because THAT’S not loud or anything.

Well, with bladders emptied and library book securely in hand, Drunk and Disorderly leave the library to go home…which is hopefully not very far away because they are driving.

Maybe next time I’ll call the cops on ‘em.

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