Children: A Diatribe

Let it be declared that children shall hereby be banished from the public library. No longer will library staff and patrons (but mostly library staff) be subjected to the endless whining and screaming that would terrify even the most seasoned of banshees. Bearing witness to howling little brats who pitch a fit for 20 minutes and then are rewarded with candy from mommy’s purse will become a thing of the past.

Parents of children will still be allowed in the library to retrieve items for their mini devil spawns. (After all, we must keep the staff of the children’s area employed.) However, they must leave the little darlings at the entrance. The library will even be so kind as to provide corrals for the creatures. Although we make no promises about their saftey. After all, varmint have been known to turn on each other and chew off body parts from time to time.

This edict will go into effect immediately. Violators will be locked in an escape-proof room with their children for 24 hours.

Thank you.

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